I Don’t Even Know

I don’t even know what happens to the days. One minute it is Monday morning and the next it is Friday afternoon. Weekends are even faster when we get to hang out with Daddy a bit more. But within the days, the moments are slow. Some moments are amazing when I get to watch Brody smile and laugh. Or we cuddle, or Brody learns a new skill. Other moments are tougher and longer when Brody is grumpy at the end of the day, and I am tired, and we are both just waiting for Daddy to come home to relieve us both!

I don’t even know how much I need my husband! He cooks, he cleans, walks the dog every morning before school. He runs errands, and gets groceries, and listens to me talk about how Brody’s naps are going and what he is eating. And most of all, he loves our little boy so much!

I don’t even know how I have managed to breastfeed for six months already. It has been one of the most challenging and fulfilling things I have done. I am a superwoman, and my body produces food for my baby boy. I sacrifice a lot: most dairy products, wine, and sleep. It is worth it, and I am proud I can do it.

I don’t even know how I have managed to survive the last six months on almost never sleeping more than 4 or 5 hours in a row. I miss sleeping so much. I love the rare time that I naturally wake up before Brody does, knowing I just may have slept enough. Or the occasional time Brody has slept a little longer than normal and I wake up feeling like I can conquer the world because I have had so much sleep.

I don’t even know how much I love our little boy! He is so incredible and amazing! His laugh sounds like he is snorting, gasping for breath, and clearing his throat all at the same time, but it is the cutest thing I have ever heard. The way he smiles when he wakes up from a nap and sees me coming to pick him is so big and so happy that I can hardly stand it! He is so intent and interested in everything around him. He is learning new things all the time and today he spent two minutes gently touching one of his toys, focusing intently on controlling his hands to touch, all the time he was ‘cooing’ and talking to it.

I am tired, and I am constantly working through new challenges, and I am always researching different things like “how much food to give a baby at six months” or “when can babies eat teething biscuits.” But I love this new crazy adventure, even when I feel like there are so many things that I don’t even know!



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