My Return

Finally, I am actually writing this return post after being absent from my blog for so long. A few things have changed. The biggest, most amazing adventure of all is the birth of our baby boy, Brody. He is almost 5 months old now!

The last post I made was about having 7-10 weeks left in my pregnancy. It turned out to be fewer rather than more. I had a some minor complications that eventually turned into major complications and resulted in Brody being born by emergency C-section at 1:27am on November 7, 2015. He was healthy and happy although a little small being four weeks early. He has done a great job of gaining weight and growing since then!

It is certainly amazing to have this happy, growing boy in our lives.He likes to “talk” to us and he smiles all the time. He tells us in no uncertain terms when he is really hungry or annoyed with one of his toys! He seems to be at odds with a particular giraffe occasionally. He loves taking his bath and he is starting to splash a lot! He loves to listen to us read “Goodnight Moon” before he goes to bed every night and he likes to feel the soft fur of his little teddy bear Bible story book.

What is so hard about having a baby? As I sit here and Brody is napping, I feel like it isn’t that hard. But then I remember the 20 minutes it took to get him to sleep, the crying, the feeding, the carefully laying him down when he fell asleep while he was eating and tip-toeing out of the room and praying he wouldn’t wake up. I think it is easy to forget the hard parts because of the pure joy and relief of him being asleep even for a few minutes! Caring for this vulnerable little person and his total dependence is incredibly daunting. The lack of sleep is unbelievably hard…for me. As a person who needs her sleep, there were days I could hardly function. I begged and pleaded with Brody to take a nap so that I could too. Sometimes he agreed and sometimes he didn’t. I cried a lot. It is really hard that I just don’t know what is going to happen. I can’t plan…and for me, this is pretty bad. I am a planner! Little Mr. Brody doesn’t always tell me his plans! Another difficulty is letting go of what I want to do. I need to drop what I am doing to attend Brody when he needs something. And all these difficulties are okay. They are forgotten when he smiles or laughs or grabs a toy for the first time or does some other ‘amazing’ thing.

Parenthood has been an amazing, challenging adventure so far. I am not sure I feel like a parent yet. Sometimes I still look at Brody and cannot believe that he is ours! I am so thankful for him. He is truly amazing.


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