As Hamish and I did our almost daily walk around Margit Island today, I was thinking about how I had not written a post in awhile. From that point on, I pondered this post.
First I thought about some of the things that had been happening lately and what I had been doing. One of the big things was a trip home in May. It was a good and difficult trip home. I was going back to see my family for the first time after the tragedy of the accident and my mom’s funeral. I felt a strong desire to go home but I wasn’t sure for what exactly. But as I have found out, in grief, there isn’t always a way to explain things. So I picked a time when my brother would be home as well so the whole family would be together and went. It was hard to be home because my family and I, we are all still very raw and grieving. Despite the tragedy, the same joys, but also the same tensions still exist and are even somewhat amplified due to the raw emotions. It was also very good to be a part of being home again. There is something comforting about it.
While I was home, we went through all my mom’s belongings, clothes, jewellery, shoes, etc. My sisters, my dad, and I sorted, removed, kept, and cried. It was stressful but also healing. There is healing in being able to let go. We kept a few things that we each felt were special or important. There is sadness but also healing in remembering Mom in her favourite sweater or necklace. It felt good to be close to her that way. But also be able to let her go in a small way, knowing she wouldn’t need those things anymore because she is rejoicing in heaven.
While I was home, there was a wonderful trip to Niagara Falls with some amazing friends. There were six of us. We ate and drank, we laughed and cried, we played and had lots of fun! It was both light hearted and deep. It is amazing to be together with friends who know me and who I know so well.
Then it was time to go home again. Back to my husband and my puppy. To get back on a plane again and do the jet lag all over again. I was not eager to do that but I was eager to get home. To be with my family and see my Budapest “family” and friends. And to stop travelling for a little while.
Although I am very thankful that, as humans, we have the ability to fly on airplanes. I appreciate that I can live far away from my home and still be able to go there occasionally. But after so many years of flying long flights and jet lag, I hope to avoid travelling on a plane for awhile. If I could avoid it for at least the next 6-12 months that would be amazing! It would also be weird but I think I would just be so glad.
Since being back home for the past month, I have been enjoying the quietness and peace of my daily life. I walk our puppy and then I come home and I clean the house and I make dinner. And I love it! Last night, Niall came home late from an event he had, and I had been home most of the day. By about 4 or 5pm, I felt like I had done everything that I needed to do that day and I almost felt bored! It was a strange but kind of nice feeling. I usually have so many things to do that I never feel bored! I don’t think I will always want to feel bored but for that moment it was okay.
Summer is coming and we have a mostly quiet summer ahead. We both have some work to do on courses we are taking. We will spend some time vacationing in nearby Croatia. We will have a few visitors to Budapest throughout the summer. And we will celebrate our first wedding anniversary. Every day I am thankful for our amazing, wonderful wedding that we had last summer. And every day I am thankful that it is done. I am thankful that I don’t have to do wedding planning and think about avoiding tan lines. I am thankful that I feel such peace and relaxation and I pray it will continue throughout the summer!